What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 02:36
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It was going to be , some day.
Geoff Keighley's Summer Game Fest Seems Unstoppable - Push Square
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why is only the left side of my vagina bleeding, on and off?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So, i spoilt her more .
He knew the spot.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
If people in the UK hate Trump so much, why does he own golf courses there?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What are some photos of female sexual organs?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was very sick at this time too.
Is Max Verstappen unstoppable this season?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What are some very specific groups of people you just cannot stand?
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I write beautiful poetry .
Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She married twice! .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why did my bipolar girlfriend split up with me?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She found it foreign!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My life is so biszare .
I could never make a relationship work though!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was 9 years of age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was in good health!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
What did i know ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i lived it daily.
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Ive learnt so much.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I have no regrets .
I will be 64.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is soul school!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
I waited trembling.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I never cut or harmed myself..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Put me off passion for life!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I think the readers, may guess!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But it wasn’t much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She loved him until the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I said to her
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was scared of men, in general
When she asked me how she looked .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were not on the streets..
All the time i was locked up.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im still living with it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was seconnd youngest,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.